(215): Pennsylvania

A gay man calls a Texas woman, believing her to be harboring his gay lover underneath her bed
An Irish settler calls into Jenny Craig with health concerns over what the food is doing to her body.
I have a fun story for you, man. The other night, my girlfriend and I were feeling like Bonnie and Clyde in the bedroom. Halfway through a late-night fuck session, she turns around from the doggy-style position and screams, "I want that hunk of meat in my ass." . I couldn't believe my ears, and immediatly put my Jim Brownski in her Jim Browneye. Before I knew what was happening, she had on a conductor's cap and was screaming at the top of her lungs, "NEXT STOP, BROWNTOWN!!". I kept slapping her in the face throughout it all, and at one point, I think she was holding a lit flame to my balls. This bottle rocket sound kept going off with each thrust into her dip-hole, and at one point, tears ran down her face and smeared all the makeup I had thrown at her earlier. I railed her butt out until it looked like lasagna, and then let go inside her butt until her asshole resembled a sundae.
"Are..are you serious? Is…is the king really dead? Is the king dead, are you serious?" Yeah, yeah we weren't kidding, the king is dead. This is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson. Mmmmmmm, A dot.
WHAT THE FUCK!?! I'M STRAIGHT RED-FACED HEATED AT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOU'RE FUCKING CALLING ME, YOU'RE TEXTING ME, I'M BLATANTLY AT THE HOSPITAL, MY GIRLFRIEND'S PASSING AWAY, AND YOU'RE CALLING ME ABOUT SOME BULLSHIT!?!?! MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Three things : One, I wish you were there to witness the faggot festival I saw right before we left Philly. Two, a great time would be to stand around an airport, and watch people run back and forth, trying to get their flights, and finding ways to, like, trip them up, or like, make them think they dropped something or … something crazy like that and lastly, I'm walking next to 3 nuns and penetration is about to ensue. Yes. Yes. Yes.
So did I tell you about Jamie Greene? She decided to try her luck at dice in Vegas. She lasted a whole 10 minutes before she was flat broke, homeless, and working for this less and working for this black guy named Martin Luther King. She sent me a care package the other day, and guess what was in it? Her busted snatch and flat-tire asshole.
Yo dude. Um, it's ****s. The time is about 7:50. Uh, I was just calling to see where you were, but uh… YOUR FUCKING PHONE NEVER PICKS UP!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! AHHH…. EEEHEEEEEEHEEEE, EEEEEE HEEE HEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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