Hi, So I was at TechCrunch Disrupt today and and I'm paralyzed because I went into the bathroom and trying to be quiet because he's right behind me, but Michael Arrington took a shit, that was the smelliest fucking thing I;ve ever smelled in my life. I don't know what this guy had for lunch. He went and must have had 5 hamburgers, or a fuckin' fish, smelly fuckin' fish sandwich, and ya know I don't know what the hell what this motherfucker thinks he's doin' coming in, he's fucking used a disgusting amount of toilet paper, the water is, over flowing, its gross, I dont know what is going. Anyways, what is this audio shit, this shit is weird too.
(201): My Boy Gets Solicited for Sex...again. And does...
Uh-huh, she begged me for sex, again! I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change, uh-huh!
Hey you motherfucker, you fuckin' think you're a fuckin' smart ass now blowin' up my fuckin' chops and startin' fuckin' trouble? I'm gonna come down there and I'm gonna shove that fuckin' piece up your ass if you don't gimme that fuckin' money. Alright? Your pieces are made, they been made since fuckin' yesterday, Now come down there and pick 'em up at the other fuckin' shop. And gimme my fuckin' money. If I see you down at my fuckin' shop down here, I'm gonna bust your fuckin' head for ya. Ok? You got it? You don't wanna fuckin' deal wit' me now you little cocksucker? I'll fuckin' straighten your ass out.
Oh hello me. You’re not able to get this call. Yeah look this is Walker. This is Walker. This is Wren. I need to Wren to get a hold of Lee, get a hold of Wayne, and all the children. Now this Sabrina has called her Uncle to come pick her up from the house here. Did she call ya’ll? She called ya’ll is that right? She called Big E, and Salem. They down here in Houston. To come down here to pick her up. I don’t know where I could meet, I didn’t know anything about it. Now they askeded me a long long time ago. Could she come. I said yeah. And now I wish you’d see her room back there. Now my room is clean. You saw, you saw how my room is clean. Alright I’m a big man I clean my room up. Now she got here and she got straight now and I don’t think, he go.. now…she is old enough to clean up her own room. And comb her hair. Now she can do that and I’m a big man I have a marriage and different things coming here. Now they come here form Houston to spend some you know gas and [click to continue...]
"Dave" calls "Vicky" to break off a relationship he's having with her while his wife goes through chemotherapy.
Listen closely. Say it with me. "Fresh. Yellow. Peeps." It is that time of year, where you can walk into any Wal Mart, and for .96 cents — purchase a fresh box of yellow peeps. For your eating pleasure. I myself have a box here of freshly opened, riding home from WalMart, eating my yellow peeps. Not the white ones. Not the purple ones. Not a green one. YELLOW. PEEPS. I love em. Gimme call bye.
(NOYB): Dude Loves Bologna and World Cup but Hates Ties...
Hey Man, so ummmmm, what me and Rob figured out, is that, for one thing if you pop bologna sans mayonnaise it is incredible. About the rap thing, just because like the world cup is happening right now let's just do a little thing about the world cup. And like, how Americans get all like their panties in a wad about ties. And just like get a whole thing like, yo I dont know why, other countries think its cool to tie…and by the way…ties are… you know, I don't know. I, is, I don't have much after that. But just like keep going with that ties theme. What's up with ties man? Like, I'm an American I don't dig ties. Like, we need some kind of a winner and a loser and…so tell me if you can dig that. And…bring some bologna man. Talk to you later.
Hey sweetie cakes, I just wanted to see if you want to come by the beach house later so I could put a good boot in that toolbox of yours. Remember the last time we tried to fix that toolbox? You pissed yourself and passed out on me. My god we had to rush you to the hospital. How embarrassing was that? What an embarrassing fucker you are. Oh forget it then maybe we'll just go down to the beach and I'll rub sand all over the back of your ass neck.
Three things : One, I wish you were there to witness the faggot festival I saw right before we left Philly. Two, a great time would be to stand around an airport, and watch people run back and forth, trying to get their flights, and finding ways to, like, trip them up, or like, make them think they dropped something or … something crazy like that and lastly, I'm walking next to 3 nuns and penetration is about to ensue. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Okay dude so like what's up with your friend Jenny that I met the other night? She's like calling me and texting me and emailing me like she's in love with me or some shit. So would you please tell her that I like, ya know, don't munch on the muff, don't do the tuna tacos, don't clown with the clam? Please…Thank you. Okay, bye bye.
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